


hwang-kim reminiscing service.

by starpuke



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, day6 lyrics lol.., just.. sad-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 16:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starpuke/pseuds/starpuke
Summary: seungmin is twenty three, an ex law student, and tired. he wants his mom, but instead he has hyunjin.





	hwang-kim reminiscing service.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [springup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/springup/gifts).



in retrospect, lying in the back of a beaten up rental truck was not on seungmin’s life plan. but then again, nothing that happened in the past three years had been on the life plan. he rolled with the punches, and maybe some part of him not so secretly hoped that everything would go back to normal at some point. he didn't want everything to back to exactly the way it was all those years ago, but he wouldn't object to it. after meeting hyunjin, everything seemed to go off the rails. not that it was hyunjin’s fault, it just happened that way. seungmin suspects that his life would've tanked in a much worse way since it had gone so well for so long. he was glad he got it over with while he was still young, so he can plead innocences if he was ever forced to face the consequences of his actions. 

“i was a law student.” seungmin told hyunjin, who laid beside him in the filth of the truck bed.

“i was going to be an olympian.” hyunjin rested his arms behind his head.

“who's winning the ‘my life is worse’ battle?” seungmin chuckled, barely lifting his head to get a sip of beer from his curly straw. 

“i never got to be an olympian. you got into law school at least.” hyunjin didn't move as he talked, and just stared up at the sky.

“so? what does that mean?” seungmin snorted.

“you got like, sixty percent to your dream. i never got close.” hyunjin closed his eyes.

“oh _boo_ _hoo_. you can still be a famous swimmer.” seungmin set his beer can on his chest as he laid back down. “i have no chance at being a lawyer. i have no money, apparently i make enough to be ineligible for student loans. i haven't been in contact with my parents in two years, and i'm not even sure my apartment will still exist when i get home.” there was hate in his voice.

“seungmin…” hyunjin's eyes were open now, and they were looking right at seungmin. “do you… regret this? all of this?”

seungmin didn't answer, and held his breath. his hands remained still where they were clasped together on his stomach. 

“seungmin.” hyunjin's brow creased.

“no..?” seungmin said through an exhale after he held his breath too long. “not exactly.” 

“what does that mean?” hyunjin turned his head. 

“i don’t regret all the good shit we've done, and all the memories we've made. i'm happy with all that. i do regret the fact that i started all of this at sixteen. i regret that i fucked up my life plan, that i made when i was twelve, and it was  _ achievable _ . but i threw that all away, because i wanted to play some fucking local batman. i regret that i fucked up your life too. i regret that i don't talk to my parents anymore. i regret… i regret a lot. but not you.  _ never _ you.” seungmin closed his eyes. he took a breath before turning his head too, locking eyes with hyunjin for what felt like the first time in hours.

“not me?” hyunjin's brow didn't smooth. “but didn't everything go to shit when i came into the picture?” 

“everything went  to shit. not because of you.” seungmin closed his eyes. “but if anyone did it,  _ i  _ ruined everything. for the both of us.”

seungmin never talked like this, in all the years of hyunjin knew him, he  _ never _ talked like this. he never talked about things he regretted, nor did he swear this often. this was new. hyunjin wasn't sure if he liked new. 

“are you happy, seungmin?” hyunjin asked.

“i… i don’t know.” seungmin’s brow furrowed too, as if he was confused by the question. “sometimes? sometimes i'm.. happy. with you.”

“with me?” hyunjin rolled onto his side to get a better look at seungmin. and with his brow furrowed like that, seungmin looked much older than twenty three. the bags under his eyes were possibly the darkest hyunjin had ever seen them, and that was scary. it scared hyunjin so much. seungmin was a few months younger than him, and yet he cared for hyunjin like he was older. seungmin tried to control everything so it would work out, and yet here he was, exhausted in the back of a pickup truck, drinking beer and crying. oh god. crying? hyunjin was positive seungmin wasn't crying just mere seconds ago. and yet, now he was. 

“with you, i'm h-happy.” seungmin hiccuped through his now blubbering sobs. he had his hands covering his face as his chest started to heave, which made his nearly empty beer can fall to the side. “so happy.” 

“oh seungmin…” hyunjin didn't know what else to do but coo soothingly at the younger, gently stroking seungmin's hair like his mother used to do to him. “don't cry, song bird…”

seungmin sobbed, but it was full of pain. he sounded like he was mourning, and maybe he was. he kept crying and crying, soaking his sleeves with tears and snot. seungmin was wearing hyunjin’s sweater. after seungmin took a deep, gasping breath, and was suddenly reminded that this was in fact not his possession, he started crying harder. he craved familiarity. he craved his mother's perfume that she always sprayed a bit too much of. he craved his father’s cologne that was rarely worn, but would linger for months after each use. he missed everything he grew up with. everything hurts now. he was older. his parents were older. he missed his mother's birthday. he didn't even send a card like he did last year. he felt like a bad son. maybe he was a bad son. he missed his mom. and his dad. but mostly his mom, because what little boy doesn't want his mommy to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. seungmin didn't have his mommy. he had hyunjin, who stroked his hair with sweaty hands and looked at him like he would shatter at any moment. maybe seungmin would shatter. maybe he would just break all at once. it might be better than slowly losing pieces of himself along the way. 

“shh..” hyunjin soothed, his hand gently touching seungmin's wet cheek. “it's okay..”

seungmin knew it wasn't, but he let hyunjin’s reassurances wash over him like a summer breeze.

“i'm here..” hyunjin wiped away a fresh tear. “i'll always be here, song bird.”

seungmin doubted that as well, but really wished it would be true. he let out a shaky breath and rolled over, now facing hyunjin but with his eyes closed.

“oh seungmin…” hyunjin wiped at the tear tracks that stained his cheeks. “you'll be alright.”

“i'll be alright.” seungmin whispered, like he was scared to jinx it.

“mmhm.” hyunjin nodded. he took his sleeve and wiped away seungmin's snot without even making a disgusted face.

seungmin let himself be babied for a moment, sighing softly as hyunjin cupped his jaw so seungmin didn't move while he cleaned up his tears. hyunjin stroked seungmin's cheek with his thumb, the motion making seungmin nearly melt into hyunjin’s hand.

“what am i going to do with you?” hyunjin whispered, suddenly resting his forehead against seungmin's.

“never leave me…” seungmin whispered back.

“i can do that.” hyunjin nodded.

seungmin broke down for a second time, hearing hyunjin agree. his hands found their place, which happened to be scrunched up in hyunjin’s shirt. hyunjin didn't seem to care if it wrinkled, just letting seungmin ground himself in anyway he needed. maybe this was the beer talking. seungmin wasn't a drinker, though he didn't mind an occasional celebratory beer that was usually dirt cheap at the nearest convenience store. he drank this beer fast, hyunjin noticed. maybe it was because he drank it through a straw, instead of sipping it and scrunching up his face after each sip like usual. it's not that seungmin was an emotional drunk, he was just intense. every emotion he felt was amplified tenfold. hyunjin always thought it was interesting to watch seungmin drunk, because it showed how he felt in an unadulterated way. but this. this was nothing like hyunjin had ever seen before. he'd never seen seungmin cry this hard, to the point where his eyes were so tightly shut that tears struggled to fall. his mouth was open in a permanent sob, and his nose was running. he was a mess, and yet, hyunjin couldn't look away. not in a malicious way, like he was trying to mock him by staring. he was just  _ so _ intrigued, as terrible as it sounds. to see seungmin let go to this extent had never happened before, so hyunjin didn't exactly know how to approach it, besides using comforting techniques he had picked up from his mother, and years of babysitting. 

“shh..” hyunjin soothed the new wave of tears, easing seungmin into his arms and resting his head against hyunjin’s chest. “please don't cry, song bird.”

seungmin's fists loosened on hyunjin’s shirt as he was cradled. he thought back to when he cried because his mom was away on business. his father cradled him to his chest, much like this, and kissed his forehead. seungmin didn't remember much of the moment, only a vague memory of his father singing in an attempt to soothe him. 

“c-can you sing?” seungmin hiccuped.

“what would you like me to sing?” hyunjin wiped at seungmin's cheek. 

“anything..” seungmin rubbed his fist into his eye, like a tired child. 

“mm i don't know if i'm any good at singing any songs you like, but i will try.” hyunjin shifted seungmin in his arms. “i loved you? is that an okay song, song bird?”

seungmin nodded, his chin still quivering. 

“ _ really i loved you, it’s because i loved you so much..”  _ hyunjin started from the place he remembered, his fingers petting seungmin's hair. “ _ because i want to forget you but i can’t, that's why i want to forget you..”  _

seungmin eased into hyunjun’s arms, his brow smoothing as he let hyunjin’s voice wash over him. 

“uh…  _ i know that what i’m saying right now is really stupid.. that it doesn’t even make sense..”  _ hyunjin jumped ahead to the next part he knew, glancing down at seungmin to see if he noticed. seungmin had the smallest trace of a smile on his face, under a layer of guilt, and exhaustion. he was calm. at least for now. 

“ _ after you left me, my world has already stopped it has already ended..” _ hyunjin stroked seungmin's cheek, wiping away the drying tears. he smiled softly to himself as he noticed that seungmin was humming along faintly, as if it was a reflex. 

“i… don't know the rest.” hyunjin admitted honestly, with a bit of a chuckle.

“ _ really i loved you, it's because i loved you so much.. because i want to forget you but i can’t..”  _ seungmin continued from where hyunjin stopped, his voice a bit scratchy from crying, and cracking a few times. “ _ that's why i want to forget you _ …”

hyunjin supported seungmin's head with his hand, as if he was a baby. he looked down at him with a soft gaze, watching him sing even after he had broken down just moments before. 

“ _really_ , _i_ _loved you.. that's how much harder it is.. i want to hate you, but i can’t so i hate you even more…”_ seungmin reached out, his eyes still closed. hyunjin blinked for a moment before lacing his fingers with seungmin's, which seemed to ease the younger even more. 

“tired…” seungmin whispered. 

“bed time?” hyunjin asked, though the answer seemed obvious.

“it's getting dark…” seungmin fluttered his eyes open, and seemed to ignore hyunjin's question.

“mm yeah…” hyunjin glanced up at the sun, who was slowly but surely setting behind the horizon.

“i'm afraid of the dark…” seungmin mumbled.

“are you?” hyunjin was curious, as seungmin had never even hinted at a fear of the dark.

“tonight, i'm afraid…” seungmin looked at his fingers intertwined with hyunjin’s and let out a small breath of relief.

“how can i help soothe your fears, birdie?” hyunjin tilted his head to catch seungmin's eye.

“can you…” seungmin hesitated. “let me sleep in your bed tonight?”

seungmin hadn't asked to do that since his twentieth birthday, when he got drunk and then startled by fireworks from their punk-ass neighbors down the street. before, and after that, seungmin slept alone. well technically alone, if you ignore the stuffed lamb he had gotten from his mom on his twelfth birthday, which he still slept with because it held warmth nicely, and if he tried hard enough, he could smell his mom’s perfume. 

“of course.” hyunjin hummed, very pleased to have his cuddle partner back, at least for just one night.

“hyunjin?” seungmin's voice was quiet.

“hm?”

“thank you…” seungmin whispered, looking up into hyunjin’s eyes with sincerity.

“no need for thanking…” hyunjin smiled warmly. “i'm here for you, seungmin.” 

**Author's Note:**

> YEA.. depressing as shite i KNOW.. this took a few weeks and a lot of hours with 10cm and 3racha on a loop..hope u liked it ^___^


End file.
